vatos deportes

It all goes back to that boob José Canseco.

While many folks immediately pointed a finger of suspicion towards BALCO in light of Bay Area baseball players Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon both failing tests for performance-enhancing drugs within a week of each other, this is bigger than BALCO.

This is almost as big as Canseco’s biceps, because this is just the latest branch to sprout from Canseco’s grand drug tree.

Canseco says he began using testosterone and Deca-Durabolin (an anabolic steroid) in 1985 while in the minors and continued to experiment with heavy combinations of steroids in 1986 in preparation for his rookie season.

He went on to be the American League Rookie of the Year, in 1988 he became the first 40/40 player in MLB history and the next season he was a World Series Champion.

At the time, performance-enhancing drugs were not tested for or illegal in MLB and despite several whispers that he was using steroids, Canseco denied it during his playing days.

Canseco’s drug tree began as a seedling in Oakland, when he injected Mark McGwire in the butt-cheek with steroids.

As the tree grew, more and more boobs got bigger and began hitting home runs at an astronomical rate, until finally the League was forced to address the problem and initiated a soft steroid policy in 2002.

The policy was later strengthened and enforced with penalties in 2005, the same year Canseco named names in his book, in particular, McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and Jason Giambi.

Canseco and Palmeiro played together with the Texas Rangers in 1993, that season Palmeiro belted 37 long-balls, his highest output at that point of his career.

He went on to send 474 more balls over the fence over the next 12 seasons, but if you asked him about performance enhancers, he’d say; “I have never taken steroids, today”.

Palmeiro left the Rangers after the 1993 season, played for Baltimore the next five seasons (coincides with Brady Anderson’s 50 HR season in 1996) before rejoining Texas in 1999 for five seasons.

in 2001 Alex Rodriguez joined the Texas Rangers and played alongside Palmeiro, that season A-Rod launched 52 bombs.

The next year, A-Rod (57) and Palmeiro (43) combined for 100 home runs.

A-Rod was acquired by the Yankees in 2004, where he played alongside McGwire’s apprentice in Oakland, Jason Giambi.

In 2009 A-Rod admitted to using performance enhancing drugs during his time with the Rangers, he said his cousin would deliver over-the-counter drugs from the Dominican Republic which he used for six months of the year.

Now back to Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon, both of these guys are Dominican and relatively new to living in the Bay Area.

Both Cabrera and Colon are also former Yankees and former teammate’s of A-Rod, but we’re not saying A-Rod is somehow responsible for these guys becoming involved with using performance enhancers. 

Rather, a quick google search shows that finding a favorable Dominican restaurant in the Bay Area is hard to come by.

Perhaps A-Rod pointed these lads in the direction of some quality Dominican ‘eats’ and perhaps they ‘ate’ well.

23 Agosto 2012

After reducing the 2012 London Olympics to 91 events of deportes auténtica, we present our final medal tally of the games.

The top 20 nations were as follows;

As you can see, China obtained the most gold thanks to domination of the goodminton and ping pong, where they swept the competition with nine from nine gold medals.

USA, who were without the 25 gold medals they collected for swimming and running, were bolstered by their efforts in tennis ball lawn ping pong, hoops and grappling, accounting for seven of their 12 deportes auténtica golds.

Russia came in at third behind a haul of seven golds from grappling and judo, altogether they grabbed 11 medals in grappling, helping them earn the most total medals.

Japan impressed with all six of their golds being earned in the combat activities of grappling, punch fighting and judo.

Hosts Great Britain could only scrounge together five golds, including a rare win by a Scotsman at Wimbledon.

Italy faired well at sword fighting, taking away three golds as part of their seven medals in the discipline.

Success in grappling and punch fighting saw Azerbaijan finish much higher than expected and above much more celebrated nations.

The same can be said for Kazakhstan, who also excelled at grappling and punch fighting for a total of seven medals.

It’s no wonder that Ireland collected all four of their medals for punch fighting, if only drinking was also an Olympic activity!

Nations 21-41;

Uzbekistan claimed all four of their medals from combat sports, highlighted by a gold in grappling and three bronzes in grappling, judo and punch fighting.

Mongolia earned silver and bronze in both judo and punch fighting to bolster their haul of five medals.

Denmark negotiated both of their medals from a solid showing in the goodminton, while their glamorous women’s loco european handball team were not awarded for their gold medal looks.

Nations 42-59;

Switzerland’s lone silver was courtesy of Roger Federer, at this stage of his career it seems he’s more concerned with Grand Slam victories rather than gold medallions.

Australia was left goldless, disappointed and embarrassed after walking away with just three bronzes to show for failures in women’s hoops, mens outdoor defrosted ice hockey and womens water handball soccer.

Not sure if Latvia is known for their beaches, but they did Maverick and Goose proud by grabbing bronze in mens Top Gun volleyball.

Finally, the ancient creators and original hosts of the Olympics, Greece were left with only one lousy bronze for judo.

15 Agosto 2012

Of the 302 events spread across 26 supposed ‘sports’ at the London 2012 Olympics, it turns out only 30.13% are devoted to real sports, or what we call deportes auténtica.

Since the total number of ‘sports’ or ‘disciplines’ on offer is confusing, let’s just call them the 302 ‘activities’ that make up the Olympics.

While 30.13% of these activities are legitimate sports, the other 69.87% focuses on numerous training exercises for deportes auténtica or recreational activities.

We’re not f*cking around, the 30.13/69.87 split is the true ratio of sports being played.

Kenny Powers said it best; ”I play real sports, not trying to be the best at exercising.”

Running, jumping, swimming, lifting, cycling, rowing and gymnastics are great ways to get in shape and prepare the body for the rigours of competitive deportes auténtica.

Where is the line drawn on what actives are included at the Games?

If hunting recreations such as shooting and archery are Olympic events, why isn’t fishing?

If elitist recreations like riding horses and sailing are Olympic events, why isn’t car or motorcycle racing?

Why isn’t chess or chessboxing an Olympic event?

The International Olympic Committee dropped the ball by replacing baseball with BMX in 2012.

We have no qualms regarding softball, but in terms of deportes auténtica we’re left with goodminton, hoops, punch fighting, sword fighting, outdoor defrosted ice hockey, soccer, loco european handball, judo, ping pong, tennis ball lawn ping pong, taekwondo, water handball soccer, volleyball, Top Gun volleyball and two styles of floor grappling.

15 sports with 91 gold medals up for grabs.

After suffering through almost two weeks of dressage, pelotons, repechages, sculls, regatta and synchronized stupidity, we can finally get down to wrapping up the real 30%.

10 Agosto 2012

With his long dreads, skull cap and swashbuckling style, Andrew McCutchen is not only a Pirate, he’s the Pirate.

McCutchen fuels the Pirates of Pittsburgh, much like Primanti Brothers fuels the hard working people of the Steel City.

Like the famous stuffed sandwich, the five-tool star is hearty, balanced, complete, action-packed with goodness and fast becoming ‘A Pittsburgh Tradition’.

McCutchen is the driving force behind Pittsburgh’s offence, helping propel the Pirates to 15 games above .500 at the end of July and in the box seat for securing a wild card spot.

In the twentieth season since the Pirates had a winning year and trip to the playoffs, the City of Bridges needs this.

Especially after the Buccos were in a similar position last August, before suffering a crippling 10-game losing streak that unravelled their season.

So far, McCutchen has been steadily improving throughout 2012, he posted incredible numbers in May and June, but has been out of this world in July.

His .446 clip helped raise his MLB leading batting average to .371, while playing a starring role in securing 17 wins for Pittsburgh during the month.

Duece-Duece led the Majors with 41 hits in July, two of those were a pair of bombs during a 13-2 win over the Giants prior to the All-Star break.

Cutch remained hot when the season resumed, homering in three consecutive games in Milwaukee to cap a power surge of five long-balls in four games.

The clear MVP favorite is well deserved as the Mean Vato of the Month after being overshadowed the two previous months by freakish performances from his peers.

And while McCutchen patiently waited his turn to be crowned Vatos Deportes’ MVM, we must also acknowledge the achievements of the big lake fish in Orange County.

Michael Nelson Trout did amazing things in just his fourth month as a big leaguer, but like McCutchen he’ll need to wait before being crowned as our monthly Mean Vato.

The city of Pittsburgh has already famously undergone a revival, with McCutchen leading the charge the Pirates are now ready to follow suit.

2 Agosto 2012